Surviving Santa

Bloodhounds grow up fast...physically. Mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally, they are still puppies even at 130lbs and 1 year old. --Doss, my biggest fella, by all accounts looks like a mature male, but he is truly a puppy flopping around in humongous body. He's started training SAR and is already mantrailing like a boss, but most days we play and learn about the world. This is where Home Depot comes in. 

Now, Doss has been going to stores and such for months, and he loves it. He's brave for the most part, though cautious (as any intelligent animal most often will be), and loves meeting new people. Home Depot is a scary, overwhelming place but with very friendly staff who welcome the hounds, so it's a great training venture in little doses at a time for pups... Well, until Santa came to town, that is...

We had made our way through the store, aisle by aisle, starting on the lumber side and worked a giant zig-zag left toward the garden center. Doss met so many new people, kids, and saw exciting things, nose in overdrive, sounding like a snorting, snuffing engine as we went. Suddenly, he stopped in front of me. Frozen. I looked up and saw Santa about 20 yards ahead by the sliding doors that lead out into the plants and fencing area. Now, this wasn't any standard jolly man in a red suit, mind you. This was automated, freaky, non-human Santa that was just lifelike enough to give children nightmares. 

I looked at Doss. He was standing statue-still, staring into to the creepy robot face of the strangely dressed, impossible-to-read humanlike thing in front of us. Suddenly, his hackles raised, but he stayed still, so I let him keep assessing...

Then the hair all the way down his back puffed up...

It was at this moment that Robotic Satan-Santa kinda waved a slow Chucky-doll wave, quite like something you'd see in a possession or poltergeist movie, and that was it...

POOF!

Doss' slick bloodhound tail instantly puffed-out into a big Halloween cat tail... He looked like the weirdest Chia Pet you've ever seen...

And then...

The BARKING started...

And this wasn't any regular hound dog bellerin' this was my-life-will-end-if-I-don't-kill-this-monster blaring from my sweet boy...

And then the POOP blasted out...

And I don't mean a neat little blob either, I mean the adrenaline-poop, lighten-your-load-cuz-you-need-to-run-for-your-life poop blasted out. All over.

It would be one thing if this pooping disaster had happened in the back corner or somewhere quiet...but oh no, this all happened with the fog-horn volume announcement of his life-or-death barking to draw all eyes to us.

Let me just say two things:

1. They do not make poop bags large enough.

2. I shop at Lowes now.

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