Bloodhound + Sprinkler + Doggie Door…
You do the math. It equals DISASTER!
Let me backtrack a moment and set the stage…
For those of you who are new to my blog, I have seven monsters that live with me. They are my kids, known as the Nose Dragons, the Troublemakers, the Clowns, the Knuckleheads, the Gardeners, the Tree Pruners, and now, I guess I can add Sprinkler Crew and Interior Design Specialists to the list.
I installed a doggie door last year, and overall, it is a great blessing. Prior to installation, seven goobers who can never coordinate who-needs-to-go-out-when were keeping me up and down to the point of insanity. Awwwwww! The relief! –mostly.
The downside is that frequently I hear strange noises coming from “their playroom” downstairs. I go to see what the commotion is and find all kinds of mischief underway. I’ve caught (usually Doss) working hard to bring large tree branches inside. I’ve caught him stuck in the door flaps dragging out the king-size comforter off the bed in their room. Other times logs of surprising length, weight, and girth have ended up inside. I’ve even had gross dead baby birds end up on the floor and furniture. (No, the monsters do not have access to the upstairs freely/unsupervised or no one would visit me.) There was even a week where I continually had large muddy clumps of grass brought in and subsequently destroyed EVERYWHERE. Well, all that said, nothing prepared me for the events of this morning…
Now, some dogs are just naughty, but some are sweet, even when they are being naughty… My big boy Doss has a heart of gold. He is the one always bringing me treasure. Ever since he was a tiny baby, he has brought toys that are very important to him and he tries to share them directly to my mouth...even when I'm sleeping. Yummm. So, while the others are all hoarding and hiding their ill-gotten-gain, he brings the fancy not-suited-for-inside items through the doggie door, wiggling his whole body with delight to be sharing the joy with me. Sigghhhhh. Thanks, bud.
So, this morning I was upstairs slicing chicken (for them) and I heard a strange noise. I paused to listen for a moment, but noted that the strange crashing and wiping sound seemed to be outside rather than inside. I continued slicing, listening to a podcast…until the noise changed… It suddenly grew louder—an unusual crashing, thrashing sound. Must be some kind of WrestleMania, I figured, though still perplexed at the oddity of it. Finally, I turned the podcast off, and trained my ears harder that direction…
Thump, thump, bang, sppplllluursssshhhh, splissssh, bang, clang, splish, splissshh, clonk….
“What the hell?!”
Then it hit me…
This was no normal WrestleMania but something far worse…this was the sound of some sort of wrinkly martial arts combined with a very familiar sound…a sound that I did NOT want to hear anywhere near the doggie door… THE SPRINKLER!
“OH, *&%^&!!!”
I threw the knife down and with nasty raw-chicken hands, dashed downstairs…
I will never forget the sight I saw…
Big Doss boy struggling, as though wrangling some anaconda in the wild, paws slapping, ears flying, bringing the sprinkler and all its water-glory inside. It was partially hung-up in the door flaps, so he was jumping and diving, half avoiding the water, and half fighting it and slurping it. I was so stupefied I stood blankly for a second watching the freakshow. That’s when he grabbed the base and yanked it fully inside, water shooting all over… ceiling, window, blinds, floor…
“DOSSSSSSS!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” I screamed, suddenly jolted from my stupefication.
Excited to see me, and clearly very proud, Doss dropped the sprinkler and started wagging his entire body. I dove for it in a vain attempt to stop the carnage and it blasted me in the face, legs, torso… (I think I might have been cussing.) I had to cram it back through the doggie door and the heavy plastic flaps just added insult to the whole mess… first flap blasted more water into my eyes, mouth, nose…second flap then hit and caused another backlash.
Once it was outside, I opened the door and threw it out into the grass.
“Holy shit,” I gasped, water dripping off my face, hair plastered and stuck to my cheeks. I think I stood there staring for a long second…
“I should have seen this coming. Unbelievable…”
I wiped my face and turned around. There facing me was Doss, standing half-in, half-out of the doggie door, wagging his butt so hard it was thumping in the opening. He, too, had water dripping off his face, but with an absolute look of ecstatic joy.
It’s going to be a very long summer.
Thanks for reading my blog! If you enjoyed this, please share it! Check out my other hound stories here and watch for new posts that will likely give you a chuckle at my expense! While you’re here, please take a look at my pet portraits page and share with your friends! If you feel like perusing my k9 lovers t-shirts, use discount code THANKYOU15 for an additional 15% off the already killer sale prices! The hounds and I truly think you for helping our small business grow!